When all hope is lost.

I didn't want to post anymore. I really didn't. But Shadow insists I owe you people an explanation and to a certain extent I think he's kinda right.

Of course, most of you mustn't care any more. Hell, most of you never cared in the first place. How could I be of any importance to you? I'm just another runner, right? Just another victim. Gonna die sooner or latter, probably while testing some stupid "Slendy-Killing" theory. Like a dumbfuck.

A year ago I would have argued...

Or... well, 15 days ago...

I fucking hate that "loop time" thing....

So Shadow set out to find me. And find me he did. It certainly took him a while trough. Yeah, for you guys I was only out for a couple of weeks, but I'd say I spent about 150 days trapped in loop time. However, even trough he found me, he didn't know how to get to me. I could have spent the whole eternity trapped in an alternate dimension...

If it weren't for Ire.

For all of you that don't know, Ire is part of the "proxy fuck up squad", also known as Mockery. And I don't know who made the call, but some higher up decided that sending the clumsiest of clumsy proxies to torture me and make sure I didn't escape was the best choice. I don't know how, but he could somehow enter and exit the place I was in at will. He'd come in every once in a while to taunt me, punch me a little and then he would leave.

Shadow caught Ire going in one day and managed to sneak in behind him. He and Ire had a fight. Shadow got wounded, but won. He managed inject some kind of anesthetic into Ire trough these darts and put him to sleep. I don't really know how that shit works. There's a more detailed explanation in his blog if you feel like reading it.

So, I grabbed some of my stuff, we managed to get to the door and then... something happened. I'm not sure what exactly. I just remember feeling like I was grabbed and thrown by a giant hand. I saw a light and before I knew it was in the house's rooftop.

And then he appeared.

I could barely see him. He just stood there, staring at us from the yard. Then things got blurry and my head started pounding...

I'm... Not quiet sure of what happened next... I started feeling like everything around me moved and all from the sudden I was in my room, I tried to get up, but before I could stand I was crashing into my kitchen table. Then I just fell face first against my bathroom floor. And finally, after teleporting all over the house, I was thrown into my front lawn.

I remember hearing Shadow throw up. I would've thrown up too, if I had had something in my stomach...

Shadow helped me up and we made a run for his car. The house collapsed behind us as we escaped.

Shadow has been looking after me since then. It's weird, he says that even trough I was gone for at least 18 days it doesn't look like I spent over 4 days without eating. I have no idea how that works, but hell, I'm still alive, so fuck it.

I traveling with him for a bit. I don't really have any plans right now and my car got crushed under my house when it collapsed, so he's kind of my only method of transportation. I'm kinda stuck with the guy.

After we part ways... Hell, I don't know. I don't really care either. What else am I supposed to do? There's really nothing left for me. I'm probably just gonna run for a couple of months and get killed at a motel or something... which isn't really all that bad compared to the alternative of being trapped in a loop forever.

The truth is: We're fighting a battle we can't win. Slenderman is... more powerful than we are. I mean... just... after what happened to me... how can that be possible?
It shouldn't. None of this should be. This thing goes beyond our understanding, beyond our reality. We can't beat something like that. We just can't. We can't WIN.

And I think that's kind of our mistake. We're TRYING to win. We know it's not gonna happen, we know there's no hope.. and yet we still give him the pleasure of  fighting back. Why? Why do we torture ourselves by trying to run away? Yes, we might be able to last longer, but sooner or latter, we'll end up falling. So why not sooner? Why not die because you chose to, and not because you were unable to fight anymore?

I... I kind of don't know where I'm going with this. I remember back when all of this started I had the complete opposite idea. I thought he'd never get me if I fought hard enough, I thought there was still a chance...

Now I know he's just playing with us. And I think I'm done playing...

But... who knows? Maybe I'm just being pessimistic. Maybe there is hope. In fact, maybe we're close. Maybe a runner that doesn't have a blog has the solution already, and is about to finish the fight. Maybe this won't last for much longer and all we have to do is hang on...

But I doubt it.

With any luck, there will be a next time...

-North.

This is hell.

Why didn't I exit this place the second I pulled the trigger on Kevin?
Why did I come in here instead of running away when I saw my door open?
Why did I stay here longer than I should have?
Why did I come here in the first place?
Why couldn't Carol kill me when she was hunting me?
Why did I survive throwing myself off the second floor?
Why did I go into the woods that day?
Why, why, why why.

So many chances, so many chances i had to finish this. to have a normal death. Maybe not the happiest, but certainly better than this fucking hellhole. Why is he doing this to me? What have i done that the others havent? What does he want from me?

And the worst part is that no one is trying to help me. I'm now completely sure none of you people are reading this. I haven't heard from anyone in weeks. So this is is. I'm giving up. This blog is useless. I won't write anymore.

Dying.

It's the 30th day since food ran out.

My head pounds, my stomach feels like its trying to kill me, my eyes are burning, walking is hell and not doing anything just reminds me of how hungry I am and how much my muscles hurt.

And yet I can still think straight, walk, move (clumsily and weakly, but move) and I havent passed out a single time since I got here. The only signal that I havent eaten in weeks being the horrible pain I feel all over my body... And the fact that I look like a walking fucking skeleton.

It's clear now that this is Slenny's work. I don't know how, but he's keeping me alive. He's not gonna let me die that easily. Not now...

And to make matters even worse, it seems like the WHOLE FUCKING WORLD just decided to forget about me. No emails, no comments, no responses. Actually, I havent seen anyone post anything since

How fucking stupid am I?

Of course Im not hearing back from anybody. He doesnt want me to. How can I even be sure people are even getting to read this? I FUCKING CANT.

But what am I supposed to do? Stop writing? I can't do that either. This blog is my last chance of contacting someone on the outside. And if this thing has a shot... as slim as it might be... I have to keep trying.

I've already posted my address. You know where I am. Please, come help me.

Hunger.

According to my laptop, it's the 10th day I've been trapped here.

Food ran out yesterday.

I managed to make food last way longer than it should have by eating as little as I could without passing out, but even that way my supplies were bound to run out sometime soon. I've tried drinking water to calm my hunger, but it just makes me feel worse. How I'm still able to get up and type this escapes me. Maybe my body just got used to not getting a lot of nutrients during the last couple of days? Yeah, that sounds about right.

I should probably get some sleep. The more I rest, the less energy I'm wasting. I'll try and update you sometime soon.

PD: Can anyone please drop a comment or something? I'd feel wait better if I knew someone out there knew what's happening, and the lack of contact during the last two weeks is making me nervous...

Supplies.

My laptop say's I've already spent two days trapped in this fucking hellhole and  I feel like I'm already starting to lose my mind. Of course, I can't be sure of how many days have passed since there's no sunlight outside. Never. It's as pitch black as it was last time I wrote a post.

I've contacted the few runners who's emails I know. Erin, Shade and Bondi. Haven't heard back from them. Don't know if they can help me, but fuck me if it ain't worth a shot. Guys, if you read this check your mail. I seriously need your help.

For some reason running water and electricity still work, so at least I have light and something to drink. What's worrying me is the food. I don't have that many cans... maybe enough for a week? I don't know.

All I know is that I have to get the hell out of here. Quick.

Trapped.

How come I didn't notice?

How come I didn't notice that in the TWO DAYS I spent locked away in my room, not a single ray of sunshine came trough my window?

How come I didn't notice that not once I heard a car pass by or a bird sing?

How come I didn't notice that there was no rotting smell from the two corpses in my living room?

All exits on my house are locked. Can't open them, can't bring them down. I've already tried every single one. And to make things even better, it's pitch black outside, so I can't see anything past my front lawn. Phones aren't working, and the bodies are nowhere to be found.

I... I don't know what to do. I don't know what's going on. I'm just locked away here. I've tried everything I could think of, but I just can't get out.

Jesus Christ, what the fuck am I supposed to do now?

He just can't let me go, can he?

I can't even kill myself.

I should have known better.

The door to my house was open when I got here yesterday. I went in expecting to catch a proxy rummaging trough my stuff.

Instead I found Him.

I raised my rifle and shot. But he wasn't there anymore.

The shot hit Kevin square in the head. He was dead before he hit the ground

I just keeled besides his body in shock. I don't know how much time I spent there, just watching his body, before I noticed Carol standing in the corner of the room, staring at me, her mask was cracked from where I had hit, her clothing covered in bloodstains.

She just stood there.

Watching me. 

Mocking me.

I hated her.

I shot her.

I'm leaving this place. I don't care where I go, I don't care what I do, I just wanna get away.

He won, I lost. That's all there is to it.

Done.

Everything is my fault. They're all dead because of me. My friends, my family, they all died because I dragged them into this.

Well, I'm done.

This is it. This is the last you'll ever hear from me. I'm finishing this right now, before I get more people killed...

You want me Slendy? You got me. You've won.

Goodbye everyone. Wish you the best of luck.

So... stuff.

Well, I did owe you an explanation for what happened with Carol. I'd been trying to postpone this. Not exaclt pleasant memories, you know? Still, I'll take my time and try to write this as calmly as possible.

So...

I had to rent a motel room for the night. I do it every once in a while (I can't shower in my car, you know?). I don't like motels. Don't feel safe on them, couldn't tell you why. But I digress. I got showered and took inventory of my clothing, money, ammo, all that stuff.

I then realized I had forgotten  my cell phone in the car, so I went out to get it. Of course, as soon as I stepped out of my room, I saw a really familiar mask pop around the corner.

Hey Gargoyle, remember that wonderful suggestion you gave me? About trying to talk to her? I tried. She shot at me and nearly blew my head off. So yeah. No offense, but I won't be following your advice again... ever.

I made a run for the stairs. The only weapon I had on me at the moment was my knife, and I wasn't about to fucking LUNGE at her with it (She was like 10 feet away, chances are she would've killed me before I could even try). She, of course, followed. She took a couple of shots at me, missing every time . Carol is terrible with guns, but I knew that if we got to an open area, with no hiding spots, I was done for.

I decided to try and ambush her. I turned around a corner and waited. As soon as she turned, I hit her in the face with all of my strength. She dropped the gun. I kept punching until she was on the ground. Then I started kicking. I didn't stop until I was sure she wasn't getting back up.

You already know what happened after that. I took the mask off just to discover Carol's face, covered with blood. I panicked. I picked up the gun, went to my room, grabbed my stuff and ran away.

So yeah...
That.

Until the next time.

Can't leave yet.

I was getting ready to leave earlier today. I didn't even know why I had come here in the first place. Stuff got screwed up. So what? I couldn't do anything to help, could I? Might as well leave before I made things even worse.

But as it turns out, someone doesn't WANT me to leave. I came back home to find a note nailed to my front door. It was a picture, with Kevin on it, multiple cuts and bruises covering his face.

The fuckers know I'm here. And they've got Kevin.

I... I really don't know what to do now. I can't just leave him here. He's neck deep in shit because of me. But on the other hand, whoever's holding him hostage has the upper hand. They know I'm here, they're probably watching me. They know where I am, and I don't know a thing about them or what they're trying to do.

I guess all I can do right now is keep my guard up and wait for the moment...

Until the next time...

PD: Kinda owe you an explanation about what happened with Carol. I'm typing something up, I'll be sure to post it tomorrow.

Finally home.

I'm writing this from my car (I can pick up my house's wi-fi signal all the way from the garage, apparently). Arrived earlier today. As soon as I got here I tried calling Kevin. No answer. I was trying to convince myself that he's just ignoring me, but after what happened with Carol I was starting to fear the worst.

I left no messages. I wanna keep a low profile while I'm here. I don't know if there's any proxies around and I would rather not find out. I decided to call another friend, Steve. Him and I usually went hunting together. I told him I was back for a brief period of time, and asked him to meet me in a small restaurant in the outskirts of town, near my house.

I met him about an hour later. We chatted for a while. He asked me where I had been, what I had been doing. I, of course, lied and told him I had gone to visit some family while I sorted things out. Then I asked him if anything interesting had happened while I was gone.

Oh boy, did something interesting happen.

Apparently Carol went missing about a month ago, so did Kevin, and so did so many other people. Remember that little girl I told you about? Carol? Hell, might as well call her by her real name, Stacie. She had a brother. Alexander. The poor guy shot himself a couple of weeks after she was found dead. I didn't know him very well, but he seemed fairly nice. Also, all of the hunters that came back from the woods are dead now. All murdered in one night. No evidence, no witnesses.

After our little chat, I thanked Steve for everything. We said our goodbyes and promised to keep in touch after I left.

I wish I could keep that promise.

Now I'm just sitting here typing this out. My battery is running low. Better turn my laptop off before it dies on me. I think I might go for a walk afterwards...

Wait, no, this place is plagued with trees. I can't go outside, not in the dark...

I guess I'm stuck in my car for the night then.

Until next time.

Holy hell.

Everything just went to shit. Long story short, the proxy was CAROL. This is not right. I have to get back to my town, something is terribly wrong. I'll try to update along the way, I'm just writing this in case I'm unable to.

Wish me luck.

The worst part about running...

Is being alone. Blogger helps, but not having anyone to talk to just starts messing with your head...

Yeah, that's all.

That freaking proxy almost killed me. She caught me by surprise while I was going back to my car.  I tried to shoot her foot, but stumbled while dodging her and dropped my gun. Then I punched her in the stomach and made the run for my car. I got lucky and got there before

Shit, I just realized. I left my gun there.

Great. Now my proxy has firepower...

Moving again. I'll try and post soon.

Sorry for being absent lately. Got badly sick a couple of days ago. I could just blame it on the weather, but something tells me this one was Slendys fault. Maybe something to do with the fact I threw up black? (How the hell is that even possible?).

Anyways.

I don’t really have a lot to say. Keeping on the run, as always. That freaking proxy is still chasing me… I think. I don't actually know what she's doing. She never actually attacks; she just stares at me from a distance. She has only tried to kill me once, and that’s because I prov(p)oked her.  Is she supposed to be creeping me out? Because if she is, it ain’t working.

So, on more important news: Kevin has stopped emailing me. I… I guess that’s good? I mean, the fact he decided to forget about it and move on with his life should mean he’s safe now. But… well, it makes me sad. Knowing I won’t be talking to him anymore.  Of course, that’s the least of my worries right now.

And, on a more positive note: M is… sorta… kinda… back? His friend Bondi started a new blog, and apparently they’re both on the run now. Wish them luck. Not like they need it.

I guess that’s it for now. I’ll be updating my twitter often and I’ll write a post every once in a while to let you know how I’m holding up. You people stay safe and keep running.

Until the next time.

Power in the numbers.

Slenderman just doesn't make sense. Why wouldn't he want for many people to see him? It just doesn't add up. If he does feed of our belief and fear, why wouldn't he just reveal himself in public so more people would fear him? And if he doesn't (Which I'm pretty sure he doesn't), why would he keep hidden? And why would he kill people that know about him?

...What if he's scared?

Maybe he knows that if he lets us live long enough, we'll spread the word. People will know about him and they'll want to kill him. Maybe he knows that if enough people attack him at the same time, he won't be able to defend himself. Doesn't that make sense? He might be stronger than us as individuals, but if we all come together we are bound to overcome him!

Now, I'm not saying that we should just gather up 50 Runners and charge at him, but if we attack with one organized, well thought and strong blow, we might stand a chance in combat. Hit him when he's the weakest (Maybe the next solstice? That'll give enough some time) with as much manpower as we can get.

There is a lot of planning to do... But I think we might actually have a shot with this plan.
Tell me what you think, and if you have any suggestions or information, I would rather appreciate it.

I almost died yesterday. It was all because of that freaking headache. I couldn't keep my head straight, couldn't think.

I kept hallucinating, seeing him everywhere. At some point I decided to get a coffee. Maybe that would keep me on my toes. So I went to a small coffeeshop, sat down and got ready to write a post.

Next thing I know, I'm across the street from the coffeeshop, poking a proxy in the shoulder to make sure she's real.

Do I really need to say what happened next?

I snapped back into reality and tried to get my gun (I keep it on my person at all times), but before I could unsheathe she lashed out at me with a knife and got me on the shoulder. I decided to make a run for it.

After running for about 15 minutes I finally managed to lose her. I got in my car and drove to the next town on my route.

So yeah, that's why the last post was so... unusual. The headache is gone now (Thank god) and I can think straight again. I should go to sleep now. I wanna get moving again tomorrow. Just to make sure that Proxy is as far away from me as I can possibly keep her.

Until the next time.

I see him everywhere...
Am I going insane?
Yeah, maybe. I've heard he can do that to you.
So is he an hallucination?
Yeah, he is. He's not as... bizarre as he should be.
Is the proxy an hallucination too?
I guess...
Whatever...
Fucking headache....

So, holidays came and went without me noticing...
...Seriously, I didn't notice... I completely forgot about Christmas until I read Shaun's Blog. I was way too distracted reading up on Slenderman . The bastard is even more complex than I thought. The path of black leaves, the different kinds of proxies (there's people that follow him BY WILL?), magic powers, government agencies...

So, after all I read trough, I still have two questions:
What exactly IS Slenderman? And why is he trying to kill us?

There's all sorts of theories on what he is, but I haven't found anything final yet. This is what I've read, reduced into four simple ideas:
-A freak from nature.
-A demonic entity.
-A science experiment gone wrong
-A being from other dimension
Now, I would like to discard the "Demonic Entity" theory right now. From what I've read, religious symbols and artifacts have no effect on him. Which means that even if he WAS a demon his nature wouldn't help us fight him.
I'm not sure about the science experiment either. Yes, the human race has done some horrible things, but Slenderman is far worse than any of them (If you've actually seen him, you won't try to argue).
I'm going with being from another dimension. I mean, we DO know about The Path Of Black Leaves. Now, we don't know anything about The Path itself other than... it exists (people who try to explore it usually don't come back).
This also brings up a couple of  interesting questions: When was Slenderman created and how long can he live? I mean, logic dictates that he can't live forever... of course, I'm implying that logic actually applies to Slenderman. I'm also implying that he's a living organism. Wikipedia defines organism as "any contiguous living system. All organisms are capable of response to stimuli, reproduction, growth and development, and maintenance of homoeostasis as a stable whole." 
We know Slender responds to stimuli, but we can't quiet be sure of the rest...

Why he tries to kill us...This question just confuses me on every level. At first I thought he killed because he fed on us, but in that case why would he only go after people that know about him? And why would he bother stalking and chasing someone for months, or even YEARS if he only wants them for lunch?

A popular theory is that he doesn't want people to know he exists, so he kills them. That way they won't spread the word. This... kinda makes sense? I don't see why Slendy would wanna keep hidden.... unless he's afraid of  being attacked by too many people... which would mean that he's actually scared of us in a way... but I'm jumping to conclusions now. This would also imply that the Tulpa Theory (Here) is wrong. If it were right, Slendy would want for as many people to know about Him as he could.  I don't believe in Tulpa Theory anyways. Human belief CAN'T summon something into existence, okay? There is MILLIONS of kids that STRONGLY believe Santa Claus is real, but that doesn't make him real, does it? So no. Tulpa Theory it's stupid and makes no sense. There. I said it.

Well, wasn't that a rant? I'm sorry for the ultra long post, I just had to share my conclusions. I hope this helps someone figuring out how to defeat this thing. For now I have to catch some sleep.

Until the next time.

P.S. Sorry for the grammar. I'm tired. Haven't slept in days and my head is killing me. I'm actually glad we didn't met up Erin. If we had, I would've been in a pissy mood 24/7.

P.S.S. In case anyone wants to e-mail me: cthulu23@gmail.com